The Onion

From approximately 2016 to 2022, I wrote headlines and jokes for famed humor publication, The Onion. Pitches included everything from evergreen slice-of-life satire to breaking news coverage. During my time as a contributor, I wrote across nearly every vertical, including Onion Sports, Onion Gamers Network, and Onion Public Radio (a short-lived NPR parody).

Below are some, not all, of my published headlines.